Stocking Fillers

It has been an excellent year for local history publications.  Treat yourself, have a good laugh at Christmas.  

“Purr-fect – avoiding Catwoman’s velvet-clad claws.”  [Review: Cat Woman’s claws are retractable, versatile and multi-purpose. She uses them every day, for climbing, scratching, turning and balancing but once a month she has them at full stretch for defending herself and her colleagues against old dogs and demented gerbils who might try to harm them.  She should be treated with respect otherwise her quiet, friendly demeanour will turn into a razor-sharp pounce.  She doesn’t do it with malicious intent however her hair becomes raised when abused by insecure, Yorkshire misogynists who are under-educated, use poor grammar, are prone to defensiveness and rely on metaphorical sticks to overcome their deficiencies.]

"The Sheriff of Nottingham’s Charity Handbook of Planned Giving to the Wealthy.” 

[Review: In the legendary stories, the folk hero activist Robin Hood robbed the rich to give to the poor.  His greatest foe was the cowardly, cynical, inept, scheming opportunist, the High Sheriff of Nottingham who was given to violent outbursts whenever he was frustrated.  In the legends, the Sheriff’s cunning plans to tax the poor and distribute money to the wealthy were always thwarted by the local activist hero.  In real life, there was a High Sheriff of Nottingham, for example, in 1583, the Sheriff was Sir Robert Markham from the nearby settlements of East and West Markham.  His ancestors sailed down the River Trent and settled in riverside communities along the Ouse and Derwent rivers where they take a keen interest in local charities.]  

  

“The Hemingbrough Cowardly Ghost Walk.“

“Rambling with Roly – a guide up various garden paths and down the Old Ways of Hemingbrough.”

“The Official History of Hemingbrough Parish Council – in 24 parts.”

 “Poles apart – divisions in the Parish Council.”

“A Collection of Resignations by R. Chilvers Esq.”

“Poisoning the Well - pre-emptively presented, perverse piffle.”

“An Epic Journey around the village with an ass, by the Grandiosh of Tosh.”

The last title cannot be ordered from the Parish Clerk as Councillors resolved to collect and burn all the copies in Hemingbrough’s only recorded act of libricide. 

Bids can be made on eBay for the only remaining legitimate copy that was discovered under the Freedom of Information before the ‘Parish Thought Police’ moved to censor Parish Council Records but rather stupidly attracted outrage from those who appreciated the side-splitting Report & Recommendations by the local Grandiosh.  

The Report has significant curiosity value being that rare item where a Parish Council has officially destroyed it, so it is no longer available under the Freedom of Information Act, but the local Blogger is willing to lend his copy free of charge to anyone who wants an episode of tear-streaming hilarity at the author’s expense.